It was an early morning service at one of the largest pentecostal churches in the city. The voice of the pastor resounded through the extremely loudspeakers, “if your life is tight, check your tithe”. The crux of his sermon that morning was about trials and tribulations not being a normal experience for a Christian who is in obedience to God’s laws.
“This lie again” I muttered. This is what we’ve been sold and what we’ve believed for so long. Many like me have become conflicted in many ways than one because our realities don’t align with this preacher’s sermon. We were set up for wrong expectations and ultimately disappointments.
We have ups and downs. What goes around comes around. Some good days and some not so good ones. All these doesn’t change our being, which we must always honor. A good life is the one that recognizes and accepts the realities there are and makes all the efforts to be the best version of itself.
I used to think that the point of a good life is to pass the test or overcome the problem but I later realised that in the grand scheme, things don’t always get permanently solved. They come together and they fall apart. Then they come together again and fall apart again. It’s just like that. My liberation and healing came from letting there be room for all of these to happen: room for grief, for relief, for misery, for joy.
With the rain comes the rainbow. The rain or the rainbow however isn’t the issue and shouldn’t be our focus. Our wellbeing, and how we treat ourselves is and should be. It’s not selfish to want to live your own life and be happy. That’s why we’re here. It’s OK to take care of yourself, you have to. Whether you think life is kind to you or not, never quit thinking about yourself in ways that are empowering and graceful. There is no defeat until we self-defeat.
Life sometimes can be incredibly difficult. As a young believer, being told otherwise made me see problems and trials as enemies. Christianese is that language we were told to speak that often reveal our folly and or presumption. The reality is that the world system is designed to resist us. Jesus said, “in this world you will have many tribulations”. The real problem isn’t the tribulations but we seeing the tribulations as abnormal or an unfair attack. To live free, we must accept trials and problems as integral to living a robust and full life. The athlete training for an Olympic doesn’t see the gym as a problem but a critical element of his journey towards obtaining gold. This is a great truth. One that we need to align with.
Those who do not see the truth that life is not designed to be easy, will bemoan more or less incessantly, noisily or subtly about the enormity of their problems as if life owes them calm and red carpets. We all have problems. Even the Dangotes among us do. Paul the Apostle said, “there is no trouble befallen you that is peculiar to you but such as is common to man”.
When my marriage first started having problems, two things confused me:
– the fact that the founder of my former church denomination (whom I’ve spent several years listening to) said he’s never argued with his wife of over 20 years. This made me think there must be something wrong with me and that my situation wasn’t normal.
– the reality of my problems vis-a-vis my wiring. I viewed my problems as something that will not likely go away because I am fundamentally me and my personality is not likely going to change. I attached my peculiar frustrations to who I am and hence felt trapped.
Problems are what they are – problems. We cannot solve life’s problems except by solving them. This simple truth has eluded many. We must accept responsibility for a problem before we can solve it. Except in a case of mental illness, everyone has the inherent capacity to solve life’s daily challenges. We must apply ourselves to wisdom and also give the required time to study the situation and figure out a solution. There is nothing beyond us and nothing we cannot handle. Remember, Jesus said, “I’ve overcome the world”.
You’ve been called to ministry, to start a business, to lead a project etc., when you face dire circumstances, your response should not be despair, despondency or even to quit. We should all first unlearn the lie that we are not to be tested and tried and then apply ourselves patiently to figuring out a solution. Whenever there is a will, there’ll always be a way.
Life has varying meanings to different people. As we grow we also evolve and some of the things we believed to be true aren’t so true anymore because we discovered new truths. Our previous meanings aren’t automatically meaningless because of the new discovery or latest definitions, they only became irrelevant to our journey and that’s OK. You’re allowed to change your mind and believe differently than you did yesterday. Today is a good day to start seeing all life’s trouble as normal and accepting them a part of your journey. Byron Katie calls it accepting what is.